It's Ugly

There a lot of areas in my life where I know I have issues. You know those things about yourself that you struggle with? I have certain areas that I know I need to work on. Certain aspects of my personality where I know I have some ugliness lurking around underneath the surface. I can deal with those issues. The issues I struggle with are the ones that sneak up on you. You walk around completely unaware of the fact that you have a problem with something. That is in fact until you are confronted with the issue and the ugly of all-ugly comes out.

As you may have guessed I found some new ugliness in myself over the past few weeks. I am going to share it here because I am sure I will not be judged. I have done some things in my life I am not proud of, they make for good stories, however ugliness no one else sees is not so funny, ever. It is more embarrassing than anything else. Having feelings that no one should ever know about because it’s the reality of the worst in you, that’s the kind of ugly I am talking about.

I felt some freedom to discuss my own issues when I realized I may not be the only one who struggles with this issue. My beautiful and wonderful friend Avery Durbin did an amazing job on Sunday receiving the offering at Church. She shared about some answered prayers they had in their finances. She started however by saying that she has struggled in the past sitting in back hearing about someone else’s breakthrough, raise or random check in the mail. She struggled she said to be excited when someone else got answers to the prayers she had been praying. Ouch that hit me like a ton of bricks.

This is Avery, isn't she pretty? 

This hit me where it hurts. I realized lately that rather than being genuinely happy and excited when someone gets blessed I was often jealous and bitter. That is yucky stuff right there. Ugly at it’s finest. The even worse thing about my situation is I was feeling that way about my own sister!!!(She is probably wondering what the heck I am talking about because I never shared this with her)

My sista Courtney and her hubs Adam

A few weeks ago I shared a post about the issues we are having with our house in Rockford. You remember the one that WILL NOT SELL? Courtney, my sister, whom I love and admire very much, has recently decided to move from Colorado back to Illinois, because she misses her mommy. Just Kidding, Her husband got a new amazing job in the Chicago area. Well within the first week of having their house on the market they have sold it. A good sister would be ecstatic for them, a good sister would be genuinely happy for the sale of their house. I however found myself asking the question, why the heck can they sell their house but we can’t even get a showing on ours?

The house

We do that don’t we? As people we struggle to celebrate someone else’s victory while patiently or not so patiently in my case waiting to see my own. God used this situation to reveal an issue in my life, a heart issue. It is awesome that Courtney and Adam sold their house! I am so happy that they won’t have to go through having two houses in different states! Actually they still have a house in Rockford as well! We must celebrate with people when they see their prayer answered, I believe it will unlock thankfulness and faith in our own prayers.

Maybe my victory is sitting waiting for me to celebrate with someone else’s. Could your raise be waiting for you to celebrate with someone else’s raise? Could your healing be waiting for you to celebrate with someone else’s healing? We spend so much time being jealous and bitter at the success of others that we miss out on what God has for us! I think I read somewhere once that we are supposed to love our neighbors as ourselves. That seems fitting for my situation, loving someone and believing for someone else the same way I believe for myself.

I am thankful for God showing me the hidden ugly in my life. It is only through the revelation of our faults that we can get better.