Somewhere in the Middle
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I recently had the chance to read two great books, “Lioness Arising” by Lisa Bevere and “You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes” by Lisa McKay. Both of these books were written for women who are pursuing the call of God on their lives. “Lioness Arising” is encouraging and powerful in the way it made me want to take on life! I felt ready to change the world! I was going to pray all day and dig into my Bible so that I could make a difference for God! “You Can Still Wear Cute Shoes” is a book written primarily to pastor’s wives, which I have been for the past thirteen years. McKay does a great job of addressing issues that come up in our churches and ministry families. She expounds onthe ministry of supporting her pastor husband beautifully.
I found myself thinking however after reading these two books back to back that my life right now is somewhere in the middle. I find myself wishing I had a book written to a woman who is all about raising her kids and supporting her Pastor husband but who is also a Pastor herself, who feels called to minister and teach and change the world! Can I be both of these women or do I need to choose?
Most of the time I wish I had some sort of handbook to navigate my life. Trying to choose what should come first a church event or one of my children’s activities. I look around at mainstream church “celebrities” and they seem to have it all together. It looks to me through various methods of social media that these women can do it all. They can travel and minister all while being at their kid’s school events and athletic competitions. Throw in a job on top of that and I find myself at a loss.
The tendency I have had in the past is to stop. When I start to feel overwhelmed with life and the business of it all I stop dead in my tracks and I don’t do anything. I disengage. This is my weakness. It is a weakness that I am currently in the middle of trying to overcome. Robert Morris in his book “The Blessed Life” (which is an amazing book that I highly recommend!) says it this way… “The only way we can truly succeed is by confronting our weaknesses and overcoming them.” Chew on that for a moment. For most of us the word that automatically pops out at us is CONFRONT, not our favorite word, not our favorite activity.
1 Corinthians 10:13 (MSG)
13 “No test or temptation that comes your way is beyond the course of what others have had to face. All you need to remember is that God will never let you down; he’ll never let you be pushed past your limit; he’ll always be there to help you come through it.”
I know that I can overcome this weakness, but not because I am strong enough to do it on my own. Just like any weakness or temptation that we face, God will never let us down. What a great revelation, God will never let YOU down! I feel sometimes that I have been pushed past my limit but instead of shutting down I am learning to lean on God. I am learning to open my mouth and voice my concerns to Him and sing and worship even when I don’t feel like it. Confronting our weakness is the only way to strengthen that thing. Every morning I get up and I confront my weakness of overeating when I step on the treadmill. Some days it feels great, other days I want to punch myself, this confrontation is not always pleasant, sometimes it is hard and uncomfortable but it is the only way to move forward.
At the beginning of this year I looked back at the past few years and I assessed where I was. I had learned and seen some growth but really I was in the same place, financially, spiritually and emotionally. I decided I was ready to get out of this rut and move forward. Living in the middle of two very different worlds is difficult and uncomfortable. If anyone knows where I am at they are not talking or I haven’t found them yet. All I know is that I can not stop and become stagnant anymore, I need to keep moving forward and confronting my weakness even when it hurts. God is using so many things right now to reveal my weaknesses. I feel incredibly weak and wimpy in myself, but I can feel my heart changing and my spirit growing strong.
So I would encourage you today with the words of a very wise fish named Dorrie, “Just keep swimming, just keep swimming” The current of the Holy Spirit is right behind you to propel you forward when you get tired. You are not alone and God will never let you down.
