Hold On

Growing up I was never really the type of person to be picked last for anything, but I was never really picked first for anything either. On my sports teams I was never the best on the team, but I was not the worst either. I always seemed to find myself falling somewhere in the middle. I didn’t have a lot of relationships in high school, the one that lasted the longest was hardly even a relationship at all, the guy I liked for most of my high school career always seemed to have a girlfriend but strung me along on the side. I seem to find myself in 2nd place quite a bit.

I started to think about this, how there are a lot of times I find myself feeling second rate, never quite measuring up to the standard, always duplicating what someone else is doing instead of being the one who comes up with the amazing idea. I wondered to myself, why do I always find my way back here? What is it about me that just isn’t quite good enough? Do you ever think that the good things that happen for others actually make you feel worse about yourself? I mean what is that?

Anyways, this is what my mind has been muddling through this week. Fighting between thoughts of insecurity and knowing that I am who God created me to be, a woman made in his image, fearfully and wonderfully made, I know in my head that God is faithful to finish every good work he has done in me. I know that, but there are so many times I battle not feeling that way at all. Our feelings and our emotions can destroy us. They will lie to us and make us feel defeated when our victory may very well be just around the corner if we can just hold on. Hold On.

So many times in the past few years have I felt like I am holding on for dear life. I have been holding on mostly to the promises that God has laid out before me, grasping onto them with my finger tips barely able to hang on. My life has been a series of changes over the past twelve years, marriage, moves, learning to pastor, new jobs, one kid, twins, then four babies! All of our lives encounter these changes; they can either build us up or break us down. There have been so many emotions, so many feeling and most of the time I choose to bury the bad feelings, I tuck them away and keep moving forward. I am good with that. God however, in all his faithfulness has day by day brought each one back up for me to deal with the right way. It is a constant choice to sit and sulk or to get back up and forge ahead.

What has kept me going; my life line is knowing that the word of God is living and powerful in my life. I have sought after scriptures that will breathe life into me in certain situations. When I was in Bible school, barely saved, I found a verse, “I am a new creation in Christ, old thing have passed away and all things have become new.” (2 Corinthians 5:17) This verse changed me. When I was in Scotland and I was lonely and homesick I found this little beauty, “God is in the midst of her she will not fall, God will help her just at the break of day.” (Ps 46:5-6) When I was laying in a hospital bed wondering if my babies were going to be ok, the Lord gave me this, “The Lord is my Shepherd; I have all that I need. He lets me rest in green meadows; he leads me beside peaceful streams. He renews my strength. He guides me along right paths, bringing honor to his name. Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me.” (PS 23:1-5)

Each time I cry out to God he hears me and He gives me living words to hold on to. When my emotions and my feeling try to make me give up and stay beaten down and broken hearted God speaks a word in my spirit. For this season right now it is this, “Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understandings. In all your ways acknowledge him and he will direct your paths.” (Pr. 3:5-6) The ever present learning to trust God in every situation, I wonder if I will ever fully learn this simple concept. The simple concept called Faith.

Here is what I know, without faith it is impossible to please God. I want my life to please God, even on the days when I am feeling second rate. Even on the days when I don’t feel like making good decisions and right choices. The desire to please God is greater in me that the desire to please myself.

I hope that this can encourage someone today. Someone who maybe is feeling in their heart something different from what they know in their head. I hope that you, friend, can hold on. Let God speak a word to you and hold on to that word like it’s a matter of life and death. I know that sometimes that’s exactly what it is.

Here is some inspiration for your today....