Disconnected
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Do you ever feel disconnected? Disconnected from people or situations? Disconnected from life? I have been feeling disconnected from life lately but it is not because of anything anyone else has done, it is a disconnecting of my own doing. I have known for a while that my way of dealing with situations I have no control over is to take a step back and disconnect. Usually I will fill my time with tasks or goals, busying myself with situations that I have complete control over.
My latest vice is Netflix. I have disconnected from my real life into the world of Prison Break. When I sit down to watch Prison Break I can shut off my mind and disconnect from my real life into the intriguing and exciting world of Michael Scofield (don’t judge me…).
One of my friends posted a status the other day that is so true, he said “Netflix is the greatest excuse not to have a social life”. I know I am not alone in this vice, it is nice being able to spend a few hours not thinking about your own life, not worrying, not stressing, not trying to come up with a plan for a situation that you have no way of planning out. When it becomes a problem is when I stop thinking about my own life and disconnect from reality completely.
Sometimes I escape into training. I run and run and run. I listen to music and run. It makes me feel like I am working towards something that I can control. At times I have enrolled in school and I busy myself with getting good grades, because I can do that in my own strength. Recently I got a job, it filled my days with stress free activity making it nearly impossible to focus on anything else. I disconnect. Does anyone else disconnect?
Once again not me... Disconnecting is easier than working towards something that may never happen. It is easier than believing for your dreams to come true. Attainable goals make us feel better about the ones we have not accomplished yet.
When we are fully connected, fully engaged it is like being out on the ocean. The Ocean is big, it is strong and there is not way of knowing what is lurking underneath it. Walking with God is a little bit like sitting in a dingy on the Ocean, don’t you think? Having absolutely not control, just trusting that your dingy is going to stay afloat.
As long as I keep disconnecting I stay in my little dingy. As soon as I can connect to Jesus my dingy gets bigger, it gets stronger, I am safer. God takes out uncertainty and our lack of control in His big, strong, capable hands and we can rest in the knowledge that even though I don’t have a plan, God does. When the storms get big and ugly, God has a plan. I can sit in my dingy or I can jump aboard His yacht.
Pr 3: 5 Trust in the Lord with all your heart
and lean not on your own understanding;
It has been fourteen years since I was a immature eighteen year old trying to figure out how to love Jesus. I still struggle to truly trust that my ways are not higher than His ways. I still have a hard time letting go and trusting that God sees my life and has a plan for each and every moment. The simplest and yet the most difficult,part is having FAITH.
Today I am choosing to engage the spirit. To reengage my faith is a decision I will have to make each day. Trusting God for me is not a decision I can make once and it lasts forever, it is a choice to believe that God has got it under control.
