Becoming

I found a blog this morning about mothers and daughters, (http://diapersdaisies.blogspot.com/2012/01/rules-for-mothers-of-daughters.html) this got me thinking.

The last two weeks have been full of changes at the Erikson house. The kids went back to school! As much as I felt that the summer was dragging on with the kids at home now all of the sudden the summer seems to have flown by. Another big change is that I have quit my job to stay home with Lilah Jane. For anyone that knows Lilah Jane knows that she is nor a passive, quiet girl. She is wild and busy and fun and surprising. And in moments like this one where she has been quiet for more that two minutes I am sure that I will find one giant mess when I go looking for her.

Staying home with my kids has been a privilege over the last nine years. I have worked various jobs which have allowed me for the most part to stay home for a portion of the day. The most recent was a job at Starbucks. As much as I enjoyed the free coffee and lattes I missed my kids. Each morning my alarm would go off at 4:30. Which to me is still the middle of the night. No one has any business getting up at 4:30. I was at work for 2 hours before anyone roused in my house. Each day Matt got the kids ready for school by himself. He even, usually did the dishes.

As well as he did at this last year we both felt that we couldn’t do that for another year. Even more so, working this way didn’t make for a happy momma. Let’s face it if momma’s not happy, no one is happy. I didn’t like the mother I was becoming so we made a change. So often in life we see ourselves becoming someone we don’t like or acting in a way that is not who we want to be and we ignore it, we brush it under the rug and we try to pretend like things will get better.

In reality the only way to make a change in who we are becoming is to change something. Change comes at a cost. Literally in our case, it is costing us money. There is something to be said however for making the most of our time. I realized recently that we have ten more years with Cooper at our house. Ten years. That is not very long, it is not slowing down and he is not getting any younger. In some rare occurrences he will still find his way into my lap or grab my hand in the car, but those times are becoming increasing more rare.

For me the cost of working is far greater than the money we will lose by my staying home. For me, it is the job, for you it may be something else that causes you to become what you hate. I fully understand people have to work, that is not what I am saying. What I am asking is who are we becoming?

Are our days filled with joy or frustration and anger. This is the life we have, we must make the most of it. I am the only person who can make a change in my life. I can change who I am becoming, no one else. There are so many times I ignore the kids or I don’t play with the kids because I am “busy” doing something else. Right now I am their mommy. I have the priveledge of helping to shape who they are becoming. In order to that most effectively I need to know who I am becoming.

So here it is; the question of the day. Do I like the person I am becoming? If the answer is no, what are you doing to do to change that?