Middle Management (with random pictures)

Lately I have been busy. I have been feeling like a ping pong ball going all over town running errands for Church events, taking the kids different places and some much needed shopping with my mom. As much as I enjoy doing all of these different things it is exhausting wearing different hats. I used to be a very detailed person, being able to recall facts easily and overall having things under control. This is not so anymore. Today I struggle to find my sunglasses while they are sitting on top of my head.

in my business we had a great event!  Night of Hope/Miss Sisterhood! In the midst of all the business I have however been able to read a book. This book was given to me about ten years ago. I started to read this book all those years ago but quickly realized this was not the kind of book that I would “enjoy” reading. Instead this was going to be the kind of book that hurt to read. It is the kind of book that acts as a mirror, reflecting the true nature of my heart. So I tucked this book away on a book shelf and there it stayed until recently when Matt decided to go and dig it out.

This book, “A Tale of Three Kings” by Gene Edwards is a story about King Saul, King David and Absalom. While reading this book I realized that as long as Matt and I have been doing ministry we have been in a season of middle management. Always serving someone else’s vision but at the same time leading a team of people ourselves, this is the only type of leadership we have known. This fact is precisely why this book was so good for us. Gene Edwards very simply reveals the heart of leaders as well as the heart and intentions of those who are in a season of serving. I would imagine that each of us falls into one of these two categories.

I am not going to rehash much about this book except to say this, buy it, read it and let it soak in.

Reading this book left me with so many questions. What kind of leader am I? What kind of follower am I? What are my motives?

It revealed to me that while sitting in a season of waiting the best thing I can do is serve with a humble and willing heart. No matter what anyone else is doing my heart must remain pure. Even when spears are being thrown, even when I think things are unfair, even when I am alone and desperate hiding in a cave. Even then…my heart much be fixed on Jesus.

Even more business produced the Covenant Rams first win of the season!  As Matt and I began talking about this book one question came up. This question will make sense if you are familiar with the story of David, if you are not, I would encourage you to read 1 Samuel 16. Here David is anointed King. In a perfect world David at 16 would have inherited the kingdom the next day. Nice and fast, not waiting, no prep time, no wilderness. Instead He spent the next few decades living in fear for his life, being hunted down, acting like a crazy person, all while knowing that He was anointed to be the King of Isreal.

The other night Matt and I were sitting out on the deck and he asked me, “Why would God anoint David then if he wasn’t going to be king for so many years?” That’s when it hit me, that is when the light bulb came on!! DAVID WAS A PRISONER OF HOPE! I believe the reason David didn’t give up, the reason he kept moving forward is because he knew what God has promised, he knew that one day He would be king no matter what occurred between the time he was anointed and the time he took the throne.

David was a prisoner to the hope that was set before him of one day being king. If David had been allowed to take the throne early in life the kingship would have fulfilled him. All his faith would have been in his title. Instead God took David on a journey, a journey that broke him down. This journey that left him broken and completely dependent on God. Isn’t that just like God! He wants our hope to be in Him, so he gives us a glimpse of the promise, just enough so that we hold onto it for dear life. A glimpse of the family we will have, a glimpse of our purpose in life, a glimpse of the blessings that are ahead of us. This may seem mean, but in reality it is the hope of those things that ultimately keeps us hanging on to Him.

Our lives are a journey to brokenness so that in the midst of our brokenness God can put all the pieces back together again, with Himself at the center. What an amazing and awful plan! Sometimes I have to ask God, “what the heck God”. Have you ever asked God that? Why is it uncomfortable, why does this hurt, why do things look the way they do? More times than not when things hurt the worst I have taken my eyes off of Christ.

So today I will leave you with this. Fix your eyes on Jesus. When life hurts, when you feel alone, when you have more questions than you have answers, fix your eyes on Him. It’s only when we are totally broken that God can have complete control of our lives. He is the only one who loves us enough to put the pieces back together.